My boyfriend is amazing and I can see myself with him forever- except that he had a vasectomy with his first wife. He's great with pets and with other people's kids and the whole nine yards. He says he wants to be with me forever, but I won't get married unless it means that eventually we'll be starting a family. I have honestly tried to look at it from alternate points of view (like I do with everything in our relationship- which is one of the reasons we never fight.) but I know in my heart I want to have kids. I've been willing to compromise and just have one. Sometimes he agrees and sometimes he just says I need to give him time to adjust to the idea... I don't mean to say I want a baby RIGHT NOW, but I know for sure someday...but How long do I put into this relationship waiting to find out about the deal-breaker?
Let me tell you a short story...
My best friend started babysitting at age 9, shes always loved kids, always been around kids... she will make a great perfect mother!
She found her dream man, they got engaged... the night before there wedding he told her he never wanted to have children...
She married him anyway, she was kind of in shock... knowing that the man she loved didn't share her dreams with her at all!
Now, 4 years later, she is pregnant, but he is not happy, and barely wants anything to do with her now...
The man of your dreams will share your dreams... I know you love him, and you don't want to hurt him, but make sure that you are willing to commit to a man that doesn't share your dreams, and you may never go through the joy of having your own child...
I know you will make the right choice!
Tell him he has a month to make up his mind about whether he would be willing to reverse it if you two end up staying together and getting married etc. He doesn't have to reverse it now, he just needs to tell you he would be willing in the future. If it's to that serious point, and you do not want to be with him unless you can have children with him, then I think that's reasonable, and it will show him that you are totally serious about this. Ultimately, you don't want to end up married to someone who will freak over this later.
On a related note, I was born in an approximately 1 in 1,000,000 chance while my father had a vasectomy. Go figure. They actually did have kids, but they didn't expect the third one. :-}
This is something you seriously need to discuss with him. I made the mistake of getting married to someone I thought I saw myself with forever only to find out later that he didn't want kids and I do. The only way we saw around this was to part ways. If we never had kids, I would always regret it. If we had kids that he didn't want that wouldn't be any good either. We ended up getting divorced over this. If he never wants children you need to find out now before you go through what I did. If he doesn't want the same things you do then he isn't the man of your dreams. Otherwise you will always live in regret. Think about it.
If you were already married and you found out he was infertile for some other reason would you stop loving him? I don't think so. You can always adopt, reverse vasectomy if he is willing or use sperm donor. All good relationships have pluses and some minuses.
Maybe he can get a reversal? It is possible with some vasectomies...but that doesn't always work.
Ask him if he'll have a reversal...his vasectomy can be reversed and he can still have children. If he loves you and know that you truly want a baby, he'll do it.
A pet is not a child. Just because he is good with one doesn't mean he will be good with another.