Me and my boyfriend were at dinner yesterday and we were talking and he said he wants to get a vasectomy and store his sperm for when we are ready to have children. I went to my mom in private wondering what she thought, and she took it the wrong way and said him and his mom had a mental illness and he's a man. I got really mad at her that she said that because it was immature to react that way. I support him and I think it's a good idea. But she dosent. What do I do? I need feedback. His mother is going to pay for the whole procedure and his parents are on board.
1) This is going to sound really mean, but I mean for it to be serious advice... what you two do or don't do in bed should NOT require parental input. It isn't healthy for your relationship if at 20 years old you guys can't make your own sexual decisions. At 15, yes it is important to talk to your parents about these things. At 20 when it sounds like you're planning on forever, it is really bad. If you guys don't start breaking away from your parental involvement in your private canoodling you'll be 35 years old and his mom will still be in your bedroom.
2) Let's just think about this. You're 20, obviously having sex, and his mom wants to sponsor PERMANENT birth control. Let me rephrase -
His MOTHER is putting his SPERM under HER protection and HER lock and key.
Does this not seem weird to you? Does she hate you? This sounds like a scheme to ensure that you never get pregnant, honestly. It sounds like she doesn't want you in his life and she's hoping he'll break up with you someday, and she doesn't want an accidental procreation incident to mess up that dream. What does he even hope to gain by a vasectomy? I'm not sure making this decision so young is a smart idea. What if his saved sperm doesn't work out? What if it's a botch job? What if it doesn't work and you don't find out until you're preggers? I feel like this is a bad idea.
If I were you I'd find out why he thinks it is a good idea and who's idea it was to begin with. If he really wants to do it I guess there is nothing you can do to stop it. But seriously, I think he sounds like a momma's boy. He might not be a nut, but his mom might be. I know this made you mad before but it's something worth considering. Why is his mom so involved in his reproductive decisions? It's just weird. You should sit him down and ask him what he sees for you in the future. Is he living with his mom? If so, does he ever even think he wants to move out? Would he live more than an hour away from her? Would he split holidays evenly with your family? Would he expect to talk to her at least once a day for the rest of your lives? Would any of these things bother you ten years from now...? Not to go all "Worst Case" on you but really... That his mom wants to snip his cords and lock up his sperm is kind of freaky.
I have to debunk some of the other answered first:
There is no such thing as a medical need for a vasectomy.
Getting a vasectomy at 20 is not a big deal, lots of men do it.
It is not hard to get a doctor to do it at 20. I had a vasectomy at 21 with no problem.
It is no big deal to not have children.
The doctor will not ask if he has frozen sperm or children.
Now here are some other facts:
If he mentions mental illness it will make it HARDER for him to get a vasectomy.
The cost of freezing and storing sperm is in the 10's of thousands. Clearly he has not researched it.
The cost of extracting and using the frozen sperm is again in the 10's of thousands.
Not having children is a wise choice. A vasectomy cost less than one child support installment.
In addition to what the other ones said:
- recovery operations are nowhere covered by medical insurances and very costly.
- recovery operations have bad statistics, getting worse with every year that passed since the original snip with 10 years on the 'forget about even trying' side.
Fair chance you would not start kids before your 30ies.
- storing semen is costly. A lot of men's semen is not supporting the freezing and thawing process very well.
- it can take easily up to one year of trying for one baby, double that for a possible brother or sister.
You need a lot of straws for all those tries, and once it's all used, it's all gone...
Vasectomies are meant for men that have completed their childwish, NOT as a reversible anticonception. Keep your reproductive machine in normal state :-)
He does realize how stupid that is, right? He will have to pay to have his sperm harvested and frozen. He will have to pay yearly fees of thousands of dollars to have his sperm kept frozen for him. Then, when he does decide to "insemenate" someone, he will have to pay a doctor thousands of dollars to have that performed. His wife or girlfriend will have to be under the care of a gynocologist who will need to do thousands of dollars of testing, ultrasounds and prescription drugs to make sure she ovulates at exactly the right time. And a doctor will have to insert the sperm into either her vagina or uterus. She isn't going to be able to just take home a sperm icicle and bust out the turkey baster. It doesn't work that way. Not to mention that his sperm supply will now be limited to the amount that was frozen. If it takes 12 tries for his wife to get pregnant, all his sperm is gone and he and she can't have any more kids. I think your boyfriend is ridiculously ignorant.
You are both so young.
He should not get a vasectomy. There are other forms of birth control.
Odds are you will break up with him, then when he marries someone else, he will be shooting blanks.
Plus, he would have to pay for the cost of freezing his sperm.
That is not something that he can just keep in his ice tray at home.
How are even able to call yourself an Adult, when you and him have to consult your "Mommy's" on very personal subjects?
I think that's a massive decision to make at 20 years old.
As far as I know a doctor would not do this unless there is a medical need to have it done.