Example: What do you think of this verse?
Sorry mate, but i just dont trust you
Carry on and ima bust and concuss you
My lyrics hit your brain like a fu**** magic mushroom
Dont make a fuss dude
If you wanna buy a case
First u gotta tie your lace
and be prepared to run a race
but beware: i'm known to outpace
Maybe to you my rhymes confuse and abuse
But its not a ruse
Hit so hard it can knock out a fuse
Now put in your shoes
Old school is the best, like a kick to the chest
Im so good, i could make you the best
But carry on like this and you'll seice to exist
i'm a beast you a bit**
\Whose got the better rhyme eye
Say it in reverse and find out
You just came into my house
And hip hop is my spouse
You know i rhyme better
Always and forever
Dont try and be part of this useless endevour
Everything is not as it seems
Im david your goliath
you win? in your dreams
instead of a slingshot i got an M16
im jus startin out, so constrictive criticism pls :)
That's actually quite good,
I strongly suggest to not rhyme as much, you don't need to rhyme every 2nd like to rap, any good artist knows that, BUT ! That Dosent mean don't rhyme, rhyming is good and keeps flow :)
Just saying you don't need it as much as you do :)
A few versus I like : I can't be bothers witting the hole verse so ill say form the first line to the last.
I'm a beast your a *****
Always and forever, that has a nice flow
Everything is not as it seems
I got a M16
That line you have
Old school is the best, like a kick in the chest, I'd change the kick in the chest to something that doesn't rhyme,
Old school is the best, like a river the **** I spit flows, "knock out blow". Enter my hood dont worry you'll know, giv ya to 3, don't leave ill have ya on ur knees, begging 4 plea. Ill have you looking a mess. Carry on like this you'll seice to exist.
That's just something off the head complete freestyle lol.
but yea Just to spice up the rhyming abit, I've taken out I'm so good ill make you look the best, but that is a good line, so I would still use that somewhere else in you versus if U wish to do something else with what I said :)
Best of luck mate, you've dont good so far, keep up the gd work :)
I'm also interested to hear some of ur other work :)
If u wish send me some of your other lyrics, I'm intrigued with your style
There is a movie i have been debating wether or not i should see it. Case youre wondering, its Cannibal Holocaust. I had thought really long and hard but the only thing that came to my mind was the real animal killings, i didnt think i'd be able to handle it. My dream was i was one of the cameramen, the other guy and the director had walked away leaving me and the girl alone. She told me to turn around i looked and there was a goliath lizard (sorry if that not the correct name) idk if those can even survive in the amazon. But there was a large ray of sunlight beeming through the trees. It was sunbathing. The other two guys came back with tribesmen as guides. One spoke english the other didnt. The non english soeaker said something as he walked away, the other said "he said 'this will be great for the tribe'". The other came back with a large rock...but it was messed up...it was moving, the english speaker said it was "the large rock beetle, has the effect of solid rock but as fragile as the ordinary insent." (It was most likely just a dream creature and not real). The one with the beetle went over lifted it at the lizard, no matter how much i screamed and shouted no sound came out... i couldnt move. The bettle then colided with the head of the lizard, blood had just splatted then i felt like i had been stabbed in the stomach. I woke up shaking horribly and i couldnt stop for about 5 seconds. I only slept a few hours but no longer could sleep again because all i could do was see it playing over and over in my head everytime i closed my eyes.
Does anyone know if this means anything?
If you read took the time to read this, thank you so very much, it took alot to right this.
Also im so very very very sorry for the many typos i probably made/:
Example: Do you like my story?
Ok, it's called My Life. I don't have much, but here goes.
Ruff! Ruff! Goliath yelped. he was sleeping Ah, he's just laying there with a slight smile on his face, in peace. This is the time when my sister is most happy. She hates when the dogs lick themselves. She says her ears hate her.
He yelped softly, like a lullaby and an infant in his dream. It just makes me want to hug him (but I won't because he hasn't had a bath in a month. I'm giving him one later today). He yelped on, while I sat on the couch next to him, reading my book. It was a good book, about this 15 yr old girl dealing with her parents and friends.
After a while, the yelping stopped. I turned my head to see Goliath groggily opening his eyes. He sat up, stretched, and jumped off the couch and walked toward the laundry room. We keep our laundry and the dogs' food and water in there. I stopped reading & walked over to see if they had anything. If fact, they didn't have food or water. I quickly filled them up. Goliath took some food into his mouth, and carefully ran into the living and lay down onto the couch to eat the pieces bit by bit.
Meanwhile, my sister Alanna was on the computer, killing her brain cells by playing Papa's Freezeria on Yahoo! Games and listening to Big Time Rush (ugh!) I glanced at the clock. 4:05 PM. "Alanna!" I yelled. "What?" She asked boringly while she paused 'Blow Your Speakers' and taking off her headphones. "You need to eat something. You have Marching Band practice at 4:30!" I explained. "Oh, yeah! Mom? Can I have some leftover spaghetti?"
"Thanks, Mom!" Alanna said. She grabbed the container that held the spaghetti, and poured it onto a plate. She heated it up in the microwave. While she waited for the high-pitched ding, she tried to spark some conversation. "So...what's your favorite class so far this term?"
"What is that?"
"It's basically Home Ec. I'm sewing an apron," I replied. "Cool!" Beep! She opened the microwave and took out the steamy spaghetti, and grabbed a fork out of the drawer. She set up a tray in the living and sat on the couch. She took the remote, and turned on Victorious. It had just ended commercial. "What do you mean, 'Where's my present?' The song was your present!" The Tori girl screamed. I chuckled. Alanna laughed.
So what do you think? Thanks for looking! xo, elainarachelrocks.
Can anybody share knowledge about human behavior against love for materiel.With material i meant everything spiritual and social.
If you ask a guy his goal he may say ,a big house, a car, sincere wife, or why do we seek for heaven as in luxuries, \
another dimension, why we adopt any material thing to talk to God, like cross,david star,and other thing sorry didn't knew the names.
Why human is more attracted to things which he can feel through his 5 senses, and specially even when knowing that it won't last longer or is useless what part of us make us do that,
Yes we can take example of billionaire who have no. of cars even knowing that he /she cannot drive then keeping one lap in 1 and second in 2nd.
Then why do we fall for week things
Example: FOR gAy PPl?
yo u like being gay .. wat do u feel. seriusly wen ppl see u in the streets n look at u wrong .. do u get sad or somethinG?.. wat goes on in ur mind>>? juz wonderin?
(IM STRAIGHT N LOVIN IT!)
Example: Why am i not getting any feedback?
I posted this poem to Writers cafe, United world poets and deviantart. I even posted it in a few of there groups, but i get absolutely no feedback... Whats going on? Im becoming very frustrated and i might just give up on poetry all together.
Through trial and tribulation
The inner struggle, that boils sun kissed complexion
A voiced echoed his eloquent serenades
Ringing through the harsh summer days
Soothing the starved ears of his wounded kin
He ascends, high from liberty's darkest hour
His deafening roar, left his nation trembling
Foretold of paradise, a safe haven of dreams
Jewel encrusted and shimmering
Flawless in every shed of light
This beacon, calling out to the wayward and downtrodden
Sons and daughters, show your children the way
So that the future may vanquish the devilish cackles of the past
"Gaze not onto the hide that conceals beautiful character,
But inward, deeper down into their smiling conscience"
May this message, paint you vivid emissions in the night
Ushering in hope, for the immortality of brotherhood
Equality, humility, reigning supreme forever more
The land of tyrants, will vanish from this earth
Their scapegoats, false rhetoric
Fleeing from the rise of blinding truth
With undying devotion, the lion steps forth
Thrust first, in the midst of blood and carnage
The furious battle for tranquility is omnipresent
Fearless, he etched a road map in stone
Persuading the most frightened to follow
Hungry and fatigued, they assembled from every corner
All of their rage, fists and pickets heaven bound
Crying no more, into the sour face of prejudice
Cheers ripple through their masses
Their banners restless
Shouting freedom, justice, power!
Unfazed by this adoration
The sublime hymns fell from his mouth
Filling the skies with hope, love and acceptance
Cradling saddened hearts to his songs of jubilation
He spawned a wave, an explosive Goliath
Battering the hardened shores of oppression
Inch by inch the rocks gave way
The sickened and vile hearts, swallowed whole by the sea
A lone shadowy figure
Standing firm on the remnants of hate
Fired all of his anger into the heart of a lion
Shaking the entire nation to its pulsating core
His children fell silent, appalled by the fall of a titan
All heads, bowed in remembrance, of the far gone king
Tears of gasoline, soon erupt in flame
Consuming vibrant communities east and west
Lines forged in bloodshed, tear their homeland to shreds
Stars and stripes, lay mangled in the streets
Out of the screaming madness, sprang forth a spirit
His shimmering voice, echoes through their minds
Hope! Shouting from beyond the grave
Most reminiscent of their fallen leader
" My family, the time for mourning is over
Bury your daggers, take up your pens
Our great pilgrimage is far from over"
Out of the mist and shadow is life
Spewing proud from the cracked and jagged pavement
Driven by the purest soil
Flourished at the hands of sound and blessed doctrine
Freedom fighters, fruit bearers
Their loving nourishment, blossoms showcasing her many colors
Lights flickered from within
Painting the insides of his fluttering heart
Fulfilled and joyous, at the sight of brotherly love
Flocking together in the midday Sun
Tears streamed at his product of toil
The dream still thrives
The dream is amongst us
Writhing anxiously for the budding tomorrow
All of the divine riches, sparkling in wait
I think I WANT to be one, but I don't know if my beliefs point to Christianity anymore. My family is Christian so that is how I came to be one. Of course I didn't let anyone brainwash me. When I became older I asked questions and learned about other faiths and beliefs and still believed in Christianity. But now I'm starting to think I'm not "full on Christian" if you know what I mean. I believe all of the basics (God created Adam and Eve, Jesus is God's son and died for our sins etc.) and all of that stuff. But... a part of me doesn't like being a Christian. The way the bible was written makes me cringe. The way it's written makes God seem so... evil. I don't believe that he is, but I believe the bible makes it sound that way. It makes it sound like if we don't follow everything in the bible, God will punish us and we will be sent to Hell for eternity. The way the bible is written makes everything sound so harsh. It makes me angry to say I'm Christian because sometimes it makes me feel disgusting to say that.
I have faith, I believe in God and Jesus, Hell and Heaven, and all the basics, but saying "Christian" makes me think of close minded people that want every non-believer to be damned in Hell. I know not all Christians are like this, but that doesn't change the fact that the bible sounds harsh and cruel at times.
And then we get to Homosexuality. The bible makes it clear that homosexuality is not okay, is sinful, and that no one should engage in same sex relationships. The thing is, I'm polysexual (I like men, I like women, and I like anyone else in between) so already that kind of throws things of for me. I believe that we are born the way God made us be (I believe God chose to make people Gay, Bi, Straight etc.) but I could understand why God would say not to let those temptations get to you. However, it's almost as if God is putting a gay male on earth and saying "You are gay, and therefore cannot get married like everyone else can. They can get married, but because you're not straight you don't get the same privileges as these people." And to me, that's discrimination. To me, it doesn't seem like God takes away peoples "Gayness". People pray about it and God keeps them Gay. Does he change it? No. I don't think that's okay. It's like some human beings get a chance of marriage but gays don't in God's eyes. I wouldn't say I'm either "for" or "against" gay marriage. I'm someone in the middle. If I say I'm for it, I'm going against everything God has said. But if I say I'm against it, I feel like I'm discriming people, and people like me. And I don't think that's okay either.
And lastly, a lot of you guys have probably seen my previous questions? I have said that when I am ready to get married I would like to marry a feminine man who is the woman in our relationship. And as the woman, I would be the man in the relationship (crossdressing, opposite gender roles etc.) and a lot of people do not find that "Christian-like" and some people even suggest it is a form of Homosexuality. Either that or you guys just tell me how I much I need "help". :/
But all in all, what do you think? Would it be wrong to consider myself Christian? Should I just say I have a lot of Christian beliefs? Would I be making other Christians angry by saying I am one with the beliefs that I have? I'm not about to change my beliefs.
Example: Puppy Mill dogs(20 characters)?
O.k so about two months ago we adopted two seven month old puppies from the local humane society. They told us the dogs had been dropped off by a breeder that couldn't sell them. we didn't really care that they were from a breeder but it helped we figured it meant that they had been taken care of well for the first seven months of their lives. Well we got them home and they started displaying signs that the breeder that had dropped them off was in fact not a responsible breeder but a ppuppy millbreeder. Its been three months and their making improvements and are starting to trust all of us except my dad hha hapoor guy, he's tall and bigger and i think that since the pups are only about ten pounds each they are very intimidated by him. i was just wondering though if anyone had any success sstory'sabout adopting a puppy mill puppy? or if you have any tips for me and my family. thanks in advance