I'm a 22 year old caucasian all about blazin... the rest is history...
but i am in a contest for a record deal and i need some feedback on my lyrics...i have to decide on one submission and wanna know what other people think about my lyrics... let me get some feedback...
“wake up” whys everybody sleepin on me
“wake up” open up you eyes and see
“wake up” u know I be in the V I P
“wake up” bouncer needs your ID
“wake up” know im fresh as can be
“wake up” who else? No there aint nobody
I aint doing this for charity
Its with such sincerity I do this for our posterity
Take a moment of clarity to see that what I have is a rarity
And note the severity of the disparity in lyrical dexterity
With such vulgarity You must think this is a parody
hilarity produced with regularity
Yet we rejoice in solidarity as I gain popularity and prosperity
The only similarity is the familiarity
Of the way I look
Just don’t judge a book
By its cover
Cuz ima make them haters a lover
Cuz me like the majority
I have issues with authority
But white or black, asian or latino
I know you gotta feel me bro
Theres too much hate going on
I’m the MVP in waiting like LeBron
Put that haterade on ice
My skills are way too nice
Just like Mr. Rogers
of “Won’t you be my neighbor?”
Quit being a hater
Just jump on the trolly while its getting goin
And take a hit of the sticky im blowin
Cuz I burn more trees than a california wildfire
And I hear in California they got wild fire
And that’s what im tryin to achieve
To make you believe
Just California dreamin about sitting next to Jack Nicholson
Askin if he wants to go blaze one
Just me him and snoop
As kobe takes it to the hoop
To kick it with Dre in Californ-I-A
And ask Cube if today was a good day
They wont even wanna play with this
Cuz we got a point like Baron Davis
We in the golden state
At the golden gate
And the **** we got be first rate
Cruise down Wilshire and and smoke some fire
mourn at the spot where Big expired
Cuz when I’m retired I wanna be admired like Kareem Abdul-Jabaar, and have a star,
On the walk of fame just the same
As all the icons of Hollywood
Man I know I could
Coming from Florida reppin the Gators mingling with Raiders
Like Bone I started in Cleveland but I know when I’m leavin they’ll be believin
They struck gold like a 49er cuz the nuggets I got are Yukon
They just panning for gold in a bathtub that’s luke warm
This aint a game gotta get this fame
a straight commodity
somewhat of an oddity
im fresh like a new picked strawberry
and I know its scary
Been sleepin on me like im ambien
But the noise I make aint ambient
If every fish in the sea kept their mouth shut then none would get caught
You know you really ought to do what you thought and keep chasing what you’ve sought
like Ahab you can catch that white whale instead of telling the tale the of the one that got away Ive been waiting for this day
To take my rightful place in the universe
As through this music we converse
Conveying my thoughts, hopes and dreams
Delaying the pain, hurt and screams,
Steady on my grind to eloquate whats on my mind
I just gotta allocate the hate to a level that’s unreachable
To educate the unteachable
I know its possible to overcome this obstacle
And achieve greatness
Despite any shortcoming.
I just cant take this
I gotta be forthcoming
And reveal the truth
Give em some proof
Using humor to get in your brain like a tumor but it aint just a rumor
Like Hiroshima I’m a big boomer but not like the big bopper ill take a chopper cuz the day the music died if I were I alive ida cried drive my chevy to levy and discuss just how heavy it was that we lost ritchie valens and buddy holly all cuz of the pilots folly flying in the snow I just don’t know Don Mclean knows what I mean with planes hittin the Hudson call greyhound ill be bussin
If I wanna cruise at 30,000 feat Illl sit my @$s on the couch and just open a pouch
A bag, but not schwag, of that **** that gives me my swag
I don’t mean to be rude, but shut the **** up dude I’ve reached my cruising altitude
Ima just sit back and enjoy this first class flight, you know I get right
Flying with Mary Jane air, way up there,
This is the closest ill get to heaven, man I feel like a reverend
Of temple 420 its not even funny
This thc is like a gift to me
Wrapped up in little sticky bundles by god himself
Used by not only those with great wealth
But the common man, too, can understand,
Why Thomas J puffed on a J
And wrote the constitution on hemp
And he had more baby mommas than shawn kemp
And don’t forget the O’ G
What cant the government see
That the first Gee dubyah saw
Nowadays whats up with the law
Washington was an advocated for weed
Yet nowadays we’d
Rather fund the war on drugs
And go after people selling hemp rugs
Than fight the poverty.
Just want a reason to bother me
I cant even grow my own
Even in my home
You may want to think about musical composition as it refers to a set number of bars per verse. Most producers make music based on this structure and if you follow it you may be more likely to represent that you know what you are doing and, in turn, get signed more easily.
As far as the lyrics, there are some high marks throughout, but concentrate on flow rather than making the next line rhyming. It's got to rhyme of course, but it should sound good along the way too.
Example: What does my dream mean?
IN MY DREAM, I WAS DIGGING, AND FOUND A GOLD NUGGET, THAT FIT IN MY RIGHT HAND. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
Last night i had two dreams very weird dreams the first one was incredibly vivid, the second contained Jesus.
Ok first dream there was a wedding there was no signs it was a wedding but I just knew it was a wedding. I was outside with my friend we were just talking and ahead was a van it had a slogan I don't remember what it was but it said destroy, my view then switched I saw my street not the street I live on know but a very crowded (with things not people) and several people scattered around I heard my School dean (VERY WIERD) say "oh no" and then I relaized the people in the van were terrorists. and so, I went to warn my mom she laughed me off and so I got my dad and he and this little boy, whom I've never seen jumped in the car with me, and we drove off to safety.
Next dream... ok well I was alone on a field of dirt (I know that syntax is screwed up) and there was an stone arch over me and tracks in the middle, (I'll add the rest)
My dream: My grandma gave me a solid gold nugget as a gift/inheritance worth $15,000. I took it without protest because I knew in my dream she liked me better than other family members. I put it in my pocket. We were in a large hall filled with people there for some gathering. I wanted to tell my husband about the gold, but privately so no one would overhear and try to steal it. We went up some stairs to the next floor above and found a children's library which I seemed to remember seeing before.
We still weren't alone so we went to an old barn because it seemed likely there would be less people. My husband was ahead of me and took a cage elevator to the top floor in the barn. I stepped into the rectangular elevator with another man that I didn't know. Each floor had a rectangular cutout where the elevator would go but each was perpendicular to the next. The elevator sped up to the top floor twirling and shaking to make it through each floor in the correct orientation. It was scary. Then as it approached the top part of the barn it suddenly was HIGH in the air, so high all the people on the ground looked like dots. Being in a cage we could see straight through the bottom of the elevator and it was terrifying. I closed my eyes and told the other man, "I'm only 2 feet off the ground." It helped to imagine that I was safe. Then we were on the top floor and I saw my husband and told him I didn't like the elevator. It was apparently the old way of going to the top floor. I wondered why we took that way and not the modern safer way. We still weren't alone and I never did get to tell him about the gold.
Later we were driving together and following some really bizarre cars with oval wheels or misshapen wheels that made their cars bump up and down as they drove. They were all tricked out and done on purpose that way. They were very interesting but the kids driving them were punks and not to be trusted. I was afraid they would steal the gold in my pocket. They turned out to be a little nicer than we expected and we went to a flea market together as my husband wanted to look at something. He knew it was a bad part of town so he wanted the punks to protect him as he browsed. I sat alone in the car but got bored and browsed through some fake gold nuggets at a stall by myself with no protection. Nothing happened to me. (I am making a board game in real life and wanted some gold nuggets for my board game) I think the punks got in a bit of a scuffle with my husband, but nothing serious. I never did get to tell him about the gold nugget my grandma gave us.
Anyone want to try to interpret any of this? A common theme in my dreams is trying to accomplish something and never quite making it happen. Most times it is trying to get to a class or wedding or performance or something and I never make it.
I know there is gold on the east coast, and it was mined heavy in PA, but is it geologically correct to find a gold nugget in NJ. What about gold on smaller scale? I know an old stream that has been on the maps for a long time that no one has touched in at least 200 years. Could there be gold in it? What needs to be there for there to have gold? Do i need to look on a map fr certain features or rocks or something?
Over the history of mankind there have been a generous assortment of ridiculous eccentric weird wacked out bizarre cult leaders who were all obviously a few fries short of a Happy Meal. But I’m not talking about just your run of the mill fanatical narcissistic bozo control freaks. I’m talking about nut jobs that in the end joined hands with their followers to do the hara-kiri boogie (suicide).
These guys all eventually become so spoiled and full of themselves that the current world just isn’t enough for them. So they dream of an end to their current world and taking things to the next level in a new and improved sparkling fantasy world. To that end, they all convince themselves and their worshippers that an apocalypse is coming.
Cult leaders attract and captivate followers because they are always good at one thing: massaging people’s psychological needs to make them feel good about themselves. This has the effect of getting followers to eventually make huge sacrifices for them including their money, their family ties, their bodies, and ultimately their lives.
“You’ll never be a poet, sir!”
I’ve heard them often cry.
As if the thought had not occurred…
It has, I can’t deny.
“There’s nothing here for you to gain!
Your prospects are quite bleak.
You’ll break your leg on rough terrain
Or drown in Poet’s Creek…”
But still I dream of finding gold--
The nuggets left behind
By poets whom were not as bold
Or else were merely blind.
So, if I should offend your eyes
With certain themes and words,
Forgive me, please, but recognize
I’m polishing your turds.
Example: Songs from an american tail?
Fievel Goes West can you give me the lyrics for all the songs plz ten points with the person with all the songs or the most!:]
I'm a thoroughly self-deprecating person - I'd like to know your opinions on how best to become positive.
Example: Is everything in the Bible true?
Most Christians usually say that "You will go to hell because the bible said so" or "Blah blah blah because the bible said so". How do we know everything in the bible is true? Now, im partly Christian, partly because i don't believe in everything Christians stand for. now, back to the bible question, How do we know every thing in it is true? God did not come down with a pen and paper and write the bible nor did he put the bible in a meteor and send it down to Earth. The bible was written by several different men with several different beliefs. God also did not come down and tell those people what to write in the bible.
Here is an example: I could write a story about mr tibbles the holy space rooster. I could put that story in a time capsule and bury it underground. I could freeze myself in one of those futurama style cryogenic chambers for 1000 years. I could come back and dig up my story. then, i could put on a fancy white robe, go into a fancy building with stained glass and read my story aloud. I can tell everyone that they will be submersed in flaming poop forever if they don't worship mr tibbles. But, nobody could prove my story wrong because nobody could trace the story back to its original creation/creator. (i have not told them i wrote it).
So, my main question is, how do we know the bible is completely true. why does god expect everyone to believe in him (i do) when he gives no signs of his existence. some people say that he does via miracles. i have asked god to preform miracles for my like "turn this glass of water im holding purple" or, "let me have a certain dream tonight" but, sadly, none of them have come true.